100 WC week 14


                         The Video Call
"Hi!, my name is Ham, and I`m a Baboon." "And I`m about to tell you the story of my worst day ever." I was in my owners desk eating a banana when a videocall came on. It was Sandra,! The chimp I met two weeks ago. I was just about to open my mouth to speak when she interrupted me saying,    "were not friends anymore." I was totally heart broken, so furiously I shoved the laptop off the table with a crash. Then I heard someone stomping up the stairs. And that is how I ended up in the zoo.

Comments

  1. A great idea for your story. Quotation marks are not needed as you are not talking with another person just narrating a story.

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  2. Hi there,

    A really nice story; a good use of the prompts. The story reminds me of films where animals come to life doing all sorts of silly things, much like the planet of the apes franchise. Have you ever watched those? I can relate to this as I remember watching such films when I was younger. I like the way you immediately introduce the monkey, and speaking through the voice of the monkey. This really grounds the piece. His reaction to being told that the other monkey is no longer his friend is really believable. It gives him almost a human personality – although they do say that monkeys are very similar biologically to humans. The inclusion of the dark consequences of his actions, i.e. going to the zoo, is also a great conclusion. Good use of grammar and punctuation, especially your use of the quotation marks. Keep up the good work!

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